Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
