evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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