Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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