I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
