Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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