She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
