So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
