I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
