If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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