i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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