He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
