The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
BRING THE BAGELS
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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