I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
