have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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