Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just threw up on my dentist
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
