She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
