I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
