Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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