At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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