My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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