You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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