i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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