Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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