I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
