YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
