hotel room ftw
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize