I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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