i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
