if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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