he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
