i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
