dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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