Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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