I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
