If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
