We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
