mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
