just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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