i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
