I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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