I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
