i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
