No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
