Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
