Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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