wakey wakey hands off snakey
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
