Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
