Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
