Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
