3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
