Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
