I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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