Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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