Who did Billy Mays play for?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
