will power is for people who don't want to get laid
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
