This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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