I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
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Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
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"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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