Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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