Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
