Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
