And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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