the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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