Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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