The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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