You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
