Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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