I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
