I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Buhtt sex?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
