I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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