oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
