Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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