it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
