I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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