chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
