All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
